The Corner of Crystal and Santa Fe

pt. 1 of 3

Before we even moved out here, we called around the township trying to set up all the services we needed for the house. Hubby, being the techno-geek that he is, tried everything to get high-speed internet set up (which, out here, translates to DSL apparently- a far cry from the cable hook-up we had in the city). So we set up our house phone and internet (which is another story), made sure we had power and water and the last thing on the list was garbage collection.

We had seen two different types of garbage collection bins along the roads and had no clue as to how to set up the trash pick up that our neighbors seemed to enjoy. So, I stopped at the neighbor's house, made introductions, and during the conversation I asked who she had garbage services through. She could not- for the life of her- remember what the name of the company was. Neither could her other next-door neighbor. We asked at church (where everyone from the neighborhood attended) and no one knew who did their trash pick up. They just knew that they paid less than $50 every 3 months via an automatic payment system and didn't even have to write a check! (Who pays out money on a regular basis and has no idea where it is going or who it is going to? But, that must be the "city" in me.) In their defense, most knew that it was either "City" or "County" that ran the trash services, but no one knew what the company name was because they had set everything up "so long ago".

We tried the direct approach: look it up on the internet and call the contact number provided. We called the city trash services and asked how we set up our account. The little lady on the phone asked where we were and I gave her our address.
"Oh no, miss. You outside the city. You gotta call the county."
"Ok, may I have their number please?"
"You outside the city. You gotta call the county."
"I understand that, but may I have the number to call the county?"
"I don't have that number. That's the county."
"Does anyone know the number I would need to call to reach the county?"
"Oh no. You need to call the county for that."

Well, after a bit more of that, (using the remainder of my patience) I thanked the lady for her help and hung up- completely frustrated. It turns out that my next door neighbor was the LAST house on the street to receive city services (which they fought to get a waiver to be included in the city limits so that their kids could attend city schools) and that the city limit sits about 1/4 mile before my property. I was sentenced to county services for the mere crime of living just a 5 minute walk outside of the official city limits.

My neighbor mentioned going down to the Courthouse/DMV/Prison/Permit Office/Hunting Office (all one location) in town and ask the officials there how to set up our trash services. Well, we needed to find out how to register our cars and get our local driving licenses anyways, so we made a trip into town to the Omnipotent Governmental Administrative Hub just behind the town square.

We went through a metal detector (which didn't appreciate the overalls I was wearing), but the guard there let me through. So, up to the counter we went and asked the nice lady how we set up our trash collection. She took our address and went to the back room to look up our location within the city and find which route we'd be on. She came back and asked if I'd called about this before.
"Yes, I tried to set it up through the phone."
"Yeah, I thought so. I talked to you a couple days ago."

Great... This was the helpful lady from the phone conversation. She suggested that I try the County Commissioner's office to find out who I would need to call to set up our garbage collection. I asked if she had the number. Of course she didn't- that's county. She did, however, know where it was. Since I had just moved into town only days before, I asked if she could give me directions.

"You go down to the corner of Crystal and Santa Fe, take a left and it'll be on the right. You know where that is, right?"
I figured I had my iPhone and it has a wonderful Maps application via which I've found minuscule locations before. I am tech savvy! I can find the corner of Crystal and Santa Fe!!!
...So, I fibbed.
"Yeah! Thanks," I heard my mouth say as I waved and headed to the car.

For the next 2 hours I drove down every back road and scoured the maps of the town and surrounding areas. There was no Crystal Street, Avenue, Road, Circle, Throughway, Row, Aisle, Boulevard, Strip, etc. Neither was there a Santa Fe. Defeated, I decided to go home, lick my wounds, regroup and then get a list together and go grocery shopping. (I know, I know: How exciting.)

En route to the grocery store, I stopped at a traffic light. Sitting there, I glanced to my left. Across the road was "Santa Fe Steak House". Steak. I could go for some steak. Mmmmm... Then the strangest idea hit me. Santa Fe! Nah. She didn't mean... Did she? I glanced to my right. There, staring back at me in all its greasy, fast food glory was "Krystal". You know, the paper thin, greasy, 1 inch square burger haven: Krystal.

I had finally found the corner of Santa Fe and Krystal- not Crystal.

To be continued in the next post: Through the Labyrynth